Weapon

Original french version available here: [link]

My good friend even did a picture inspired by this poem:

You can listen to me live reading it on the 11th episode of my podcast that you can find here: [link]

Poem detailed explanation:

So as you might have heard this is no happy dandy poem, and more often than not I'm more inspired by things that really touched me, in a good or in a bad way. So for the background: This was my first breakup with girl mentioned in the poem "first kiss" and obviously it was really painful. At that time I was reading a manga called She, The ultimate weapon, which is a fitting title for what I was experiencing at the time, so I just took the weapon out of this title for my poem.
In this anime a young cute and naïve girl discovers that she is in fact an ultimate weapon created by the military. So I wanted to start with that, because I wanted to make people understand that this girl was hurting me, and with what can you hurt someone? Well weapons is a good choice. Then I went out to describe exactly what she was hurting in me, and because it's a love story it's goes for the heart.
But I didn't want the reader to feel that I was the only one suffering from this, and as in the anime the girl is suffering from her condition because she cannot live a normal life with his boyfriend, I wanted to show that too, that a breakup doesn't only hurt the one affected by it but also the partner who decided it.
Then my old girlfriend had found another boyfriend so I told my version of the story, meaning that she took it because she still wanted a boyfriend just not me…
Then after the pain comes the questions and I ask a bunch in this poem, because when you love someone so much and it goes away you're asking yourself "what did I do wrong" and you want to go back with her.
As I was writing this and I'm a pretty emotive guy, I was crying and the tears were doing big splash on the paper, so I took my pen and the tears and combined the two, to make something a bit more elegant and less rough than it really was.
As rivers can carry with them a lot of things, I though at this time, why couldn't this tears become a river that carry away everything that is hurting, and bring back my happy self. Then after realizing that this was just wishful thinking I made a clear statement that is still true after all this time, as this poem is something like 10 years old. Then I really like angels and angels when they appear they have this kind of halo of light around them, so that's what I was thinking off on this line.
Sometimes you have to write poems for yourself, and be a bit egotistical, so that's what I did with this line, making someone revive painful memories over and over is kind of a torture and I didn't want that, so that's why I kept this poem for myself.
After you blamed everyone and everything in the world for what is happening to you, you finish by blaming yourself, and emphasize what has already been said, but is the main subject of this poem. As said before I ask a lot of questions in this poem and I don't have all the answers and because I don't I leave the end of this poem open and wait for the answers from other people to come in and help me.