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October 5, 2008
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I'm sad because you're not there.
I don't ask you to be with me anymore, but I beg you,
What I feel is more than love for you,
But it's a need for you.
If you're not there I don't exist anymore,
If we're not one how can we exist?
I cannot resolve myself to it.
I could never express what I feel for you,
Because you cannot designate it with words,
But it's with what I feel inside.
This inside which grows in me, and that makes me write that.
I cannot resolve myself to it.
I know that the time we meet is approaching every time a little more,
However this needle that shows me the time, is for me a real sword.
It hurts me,
She tortures me.
This is a more serious than an injury,
I don't bleed,
And yet I feel pain ...
So bad ...
It is now more than 18 days,
Don't have I the right to some compassion?
You could read deep within me, yet I cannot.
Why?
My judgment is he disturbed by my heart?
Certainly because at the moment I only listen to it.
He tells me that you think of me,
He tells me that I should not love you so much, because it is unreasonable,
He tells me all these things are true,
But I cannot accept them, because I cannot live without you.
You who in the darkest moments has brought me light,
You made of my frozen heart, a blaze, which now burns a million lights!
I don't know when will be the next time I see you, but I know that
this time will be a wonderful day because you'll be there.
I won't be alone in my heart and in my life anymore.
You inspire me all this.
I don't know what impression it leaves you, but I have at every line my heart beating.
I cannot let the temptation devour me ...
She said you do not believe me, if I did not have news from you.
Is that you didn't take the time for me, because I'm not worth it.
These horrible things that come to my mind are created by the dark wall that divides us.
It is a wall of flames, but also of cries.
Because to love we need to cry.
But I cannot cry, because these flames around me, already burned me.
I am consumed and I cannot revive in any other way than speaking, touching, or listening to our heart beat in unison.
If I write all this it's because I feel pain, however to love you must feel pain.
I want to continue to have pain, to cry ...
Because this will only prove how much I love you, a love that has no name.
Who cannot be described, but which can only be felt.

Come back and make me happy, I pray you, I ask you, I beg you.
The original French version can be found here: [link]

One of my saddest poems I think, hope you like it though.

You can listen to me live reading it on the 38th episode of my podcast that you can find here: [link]

Poem detailed explanation:

So out of this story comes something pretty obvious, that loosing someone you love makes you really sad, even if this person is not dead, but just left your life. Also say that this poem was written a long time ago, so pardon me if I don't remember all the details.
Now for the poem in itself, as you might have noticed if you follow me from the beginning I like to start my poems with some obvious stuff and then go around it layer by layer, and that's exactly how this poem is structured. To make the reader feel the sense of desperation that I was feeling at that time, I make a strong statement here, begging the girl to come back, with the image in my head that we see in most movies, kneeling in front of her, and her going away, me grabbing her skirt and falling to the ground miserably. That I think it a pretty strong desperation image.
Here I feel like it's a drug, and to show it I say that what I feel is not only a deep love for the girl but a need for her, just like you would feel if you were addicted to drugs and they were taken away from you. And I may add that if I remember well once I heard on TV that love actually works like drugs.
The next part is where I share with the reader my view on love, and that is, that you come one with the person you love, like if you could blend yourself into the other, and both become only one entity, I often feel like that still now. It goes in pair with a little saying I really like that goes like this: We're both angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing each other.
Then I go into something I think I've already said in a past episode, that in order to know what love feels like, and what being left by the person you love feels like you have to experience it yourself, because it cannot be described, and that's what I try to do in these next few sentences.
Honestly I cannot remember why we would meet again if she left me, but something tells me that it would be something around the fact that I don't like to leave a relationship in a bad state, so I like to meet the girl afterwards and still be friends with her, talk and have a nice attitude one with the other, it makes the brake up that more bearable, and so far I've largely succeeded in doing so as I still have contact with all my past girlfriends. Then thing I really wanted to show too is that being heart broken is not a physical pain, but an inside one, which makes it that much harder to cure and relieve, all rejoining this image of despair I wanted to give to the poem.
In continuation with that I also wanted to show that reason and logic can be overthrown by feelings of love. Because your head says that you shouldn't do all this crazy stuff to get this girl back, I shouldn't even be that despaired about it, because it's unreasonable, but the feeling I have is just too strong and it completely shadows and blackened the mind so that feelings prevail.
I'm not only romantic about the poems I write but also in my everyday life. When I fall in love, I really think of it as all light and happiness, and everything that I write as a result of that, is the reality that I live everyday. So when I write that my heart is a blaze that burns a million lights, it's because I feel like it does. I can be inspired by lots of things, but love is certainly one that is the easier for me to write about, and the one that gives me the most inspiration. Let me tell you a little secret, sometimes I like to write poems that I don't post anywhere else, that I don't even keep for myself, they're all for my lover's to keep, and that for me is the greatest gift I can give them, because it's something of me that I give to them, which they can do whatever they want with it, and it will exist only for them, as no one else, no even me will have a copy.
But as romanticism can strengthen the feelings of love you have, it can unfortunately also strengthen the feelings of hate, and that shows well in the next few lines. Where I talk about a big dark wall that separates us, a wall of flames but also of cries. And to be honest hell inspired me all these lines, because at that time I felt like I was in hell. Then I took the cries and the flames together, and said that I cannot cry because the flames already burned me to ashes, and as I love birds I took the example of the phenix that can be reborn of the ashes, but for me it would only be possible if I heard the heart of the girl I love against mine.
Then I finish by reminding the reader of all the pain I'm feeling at the moment, and that proves the fact that my feelings are real, and also to remind everyone that love cannot be described but can only be felt. And because this is a sad and gloomy poem, it had to finish with a gloomy note, and not with a hopeful note as I usually do.
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:iconakiko-sama:
I like how you started the poem. It's true that you feel desperate when your loved one leaves you and I think you portrayed the "begging" part really well!
Love's cruel and so are drugs. Once you taste it, you can never let it go... only if you have a really strong determination! Liked the part where you compared the love to drugs. Thinking about it a second time it's a perfect match!

in Slovenian language love rymes great with being sick, so we usually say "Ljubezen je bolezen", so literally speaking love is a sickness... couldn't be more true!

"We're both angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing each other. " you have this for your sig if I remember correctly and you also found a great matching picture for it on DA no? it's a really nice saying!

and it's definitely true that you can't speak about something you haven't experienced yet cause it's a feeling you can never imagine. Same tho is the feeling for falling in love. You can't actually talk about it if you haven't fallen in love yet....I think.

Well with breaking up it's a different matter... sometimes you just have to distance yourself in order to forget about the person you loved because some people just can't take it... but yeah it's definitely better to stay on good terms rather than being enemies forever...
but somehow I think that it's also kind of "false hope" in some way don't you think? or rather false wishing... but yeah you never know, perhaps you both get a change of heart...

Feelings do usually prevail and your body acts on it's own, not followingthe mind. Sometimes it can be a good move, but it usually backfires.... at least that's what I think. (well only in movies, dramas, animes and mangas it doesn't backfire... well at least not all the time... usually 99% of the time it's a success)

what nice words you used to describe the feeling of being in love! a really nice move I must say! and I kind of agree to it aswell!
but yes asyou said, romanticism isn't the best aswell... well basically everything has it's good and it's bad sides, you just have to know how to cope with them that's all!... is what I think
Nice inspiration with hell! fit really nicely into the poem! aswell as with the phoenix! Feels like you worte a whole new legend for the phoenix!

and I loved the ending! a gloomy one, but it stands out!
What do you think?
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:iconmsdarkness101:
MsDarkness101 Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2014  New member Student General Artist
I just sat there and cried! ..-..
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:icontursiops33:
tursiops33 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah me too ;)
Reply
:iconmsdarkness101:
MsDarkness101 Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2014  New member Student General Artist
:P
Reply
:iconbrightandwild:
brightandwild Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Oh, my. This moved me to tears - not only because of how beautifully it was written, but because I know exactly how you feel. Like... exactly. And also, just the way you said everything, well...it honestly reminds me of a boy I once knew, actually the same one I felt, and still feel, this way about...and the things he said about the girl he loved, which wasn't and will never be me. He, too left my life.... but anyways, sorry for boring you with that rubbish. Either way, since you published this several years ago and even then said it was old I hope you're not still hurting this way, because I understand how that feeling hurts - natural pain doesn't even cover it - and I sincerely hope things have gotten much better for you. <3
Reply
:icontursiops33:
tursiops33 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Hello, Thank you so much for that considerate comment.
I must agree that I wrote that while I was crying and sometimes you write the best things while the emotions overwhelm you, and that was definitely the case.
But it also shows that even if my happy poems are overwhelming sometimes you just have to write depressing ones just to show that even a poet can be sad.
I wish you a very good week-end. Keep appreciating poetry.
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:iconarabella-mccall:
Arabella-Mccall Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2011
This is a very beautiful poem. I understand all the feelings completely.
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:icontursiops33:
tursiops33 Featured By Owner Sep 19, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the comment it's really appreciated!
Reply
:iconirken-n-vader:
Irken-N-vader Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2010
Okay I don't have a premium membership, and I'm not getting one to critique a poem (even a really good one) So I'm going to do this in a comment.

Vision
4
Originality
5
Technique
5
Impact
4.3 (yes 4.3)

It was wonderfully written, and while the idea it self isn't original (losing a girl that is) the way it's written is awesome. I love how it goes from the situation itself to, not only how it makes you feel, but the conflict within yourself (or rather the speaker) and then at the end it all kind of loops back around to the begging and plea-ing. I also like that it's a free verse poem, I like free verse poems because they tend to have a SIGNIFICANTLY larger impact then a little rhyme.

I also like how it seems like (from the way I read it) the reader gets a little "crazy" (for lack of a better term) near the end, until he collects himself before the final stanza.

I don't know how this could be a whole lot better mate! It's pretty damn good. Keep in mind I almost never give anything (on any website ever) a solid 10/10 or 5/5 unless I think it is absolutely perfect. But I do like this, of poems I've read from people who aren't famous poets this has got to be in my top 20.

Good day to you mate.
Reply
:icontursiops33:
tursiops33 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! I always appreciate good constructive criticism, and yours is definitely one of the best I've received.
Thank you again, and have a great day too.
Reply
:iconirken-n-vader:
Irken-N-vader Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2010
Hey no problem, poetry is just something I love so very much. And it's so very rarely I get to read a nice refreshing style. Even my own is a little bland.
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